You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize