he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
