I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
