Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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