My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
