She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
