I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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