best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
