I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
