I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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