So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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