You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
