my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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