My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
