I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
