What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
