I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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