Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
