there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
