Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
