**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
