i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
