even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
