One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
