What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize