I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We are all done wearing pants today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
