so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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