So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
