It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
