Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
