So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
