pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
