There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
