I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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