Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
