If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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