"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
