I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
