i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
