yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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