i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
