I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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