the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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