this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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