from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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