I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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