im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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