We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
