is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
