You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
