and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
