I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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