I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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