porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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