You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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