"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
