I hate your face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
