I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
