How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
