do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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