I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
