when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
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