even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
