Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
