I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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