I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
