This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
