was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
