Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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