Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
