I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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