it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize