I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
