stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
