You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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