no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
