I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
