i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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