how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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