Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
