Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Umm I'm too high to move.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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