I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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