life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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