I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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