he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize