allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
