im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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