Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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