i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
false alarm. still invincible.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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