You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
