her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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