Please, let me fuck your mom
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
