u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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