Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
