You're completely useless in the revolution.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
